burnout and weird physical shit
Jul. 29th, 2023 10:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dancing_croweveryone has burnout -
my partner does, and is very (VERY, like OMG just shut up p already) aware of it, and reporting back to me how he's feeling on the regular. Mostly anger, some about work, not working is better than working for him but he isn't at a place where he feels he can retire yet, so he is both bitter about that and working on cutting back - taking sick days ("unlimiited" PTO will be tested) and skiving off where it won't be noticed. Cutting back on meetings makes the most difference, and unfortunately since he's been bumped to managing (no change in pay, no real change in technical expectations - I hate these people so much) all of his work time is meetings. Which means him shouting into the telephone (I think he's going deaf, because he's been shouting more in daily life as well - he doesn't think he is, but being on the receiving end feels like he is projecting to the back of the classroom or the other end of a phone line, and I am right there, two feet away from him.) He has a friend who is a retired psychiatrist, and she's been pshrinking him some (which I worry about for different reasons, like imposing on friendships and the ethics of pshrinking one's friends) which seems to help some, but nothing helps more than not working, which he can't quite undertake full time yet. The friend has been urging him to think about what the company might owe him, instead of the reverse, and pushing hard for long term disability to cope. He thinks they'd just fire him because there are financial shenanigans afoot that require a good looking bottom line.
My older kid does too - they described 'autistic burnout' and said they were on a long slow glide path down
I, of course, panicked, and came out with groceries and sympathy and they looked at me and apologized for worrying me? which
no hon, I would fly to your side for lesser worries than this
so that is present and related and do they talk to each other? no, no they do not. Should they? yes. Definitely.
This is all complicated by their partner losing another job, and them realizing they've been working since they graduated and doesn't one get a sabbatical at 7 years? Or a change or something? Were he working, they could take a break and be the butterfly spouse, but that doesn't seem to be their dynamic at all, and that feels unfair from where I am. They have been the steadily working responsible one for the entire duration of this relationship which is going on 12 years (which is SO WILD to me because they were both babies when they started together) (this paragraph clearly demonstrated the drawbacks to singular they, doesn't it?) but anyhow - I think my kids deserves a chance to faff about, and I am doing my best to make that happen in smaller doses at least.
I thought I also had burnout because I was feeling unhappy about everything especially food, and feeling perpetually faintly nauseous all the time. On the ship I assumed I had just failed to acclimate, which was unexpected, but ok - that is what the seasick meds are for, but it persisted off the ship and all through Iceland and after I got home again, so I managed a Dr appointment and they asked for a blood draw and a breath test for h. Pylori which was a thing I had suspected but didn't want to be forward? but I think I may have borked the test, and I finally sent a message through the patient portal asking if the test had come back and if it was worth starting pre-emptive antibiotics now because this is fucking miserable. I'm increasingly certain this is to blame for more migraines in the last couple months and two really severe ones. If this gets better and I can think about food again, it would be reassuring, because I don't think we can take one more burnout case in this fam right now.
The younger crow, on the other hand, is fuckign amazing - they're on the R/V Neil Armstrong (one of the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institute's big research ships) off the coast of Greenland doing sediment cores and analysis of algae in the water column. She's been writing trip reports that are hilarious and helpful, and seems to be having a fine time.
my partner does, and is very (VERY, like OMG just shut up p already) aware of it, and reporting back to me how he's feeling on the regular. Mostly anger, some about work, not working is better than working for him but he isn't at a place where he feels he can retire yet, so he is both bitter about that and working on cutting back - taking sick days ("unlimiited" PTO will be tested) and skiving off where it won't be noticed. Cutting back on meetings makes the most difference, and unfortunately since he's been bumped to managing (no change in pay, no real change in technical expectations - I hate these people so much) all of his work time is meetings. Which means him shouting into the telephone (I think he's going deaf, because he's been shouting more in daily life as well - he doesn't think he is, but being on the receiving end feels like he is projecting to the back of the classroom or the other end of a phone line, and I am right there, two feet away from him.) He has a friend who is a retired psychiatrist, and she's been pshrinking him some (which I worry about for different reasons, like imposing on friendships and the ethics of pshrinking one's friends) which seems to help some, but nothing helps more than not working, which he can't quite undertake full time yet. The friend has been urging him to think about what the company might owe him, instead of the reverse, and pushing hard for long term disability to cope. He thinks they'd just fire him because there are financial shenanigans afoot that require a good looking bottom line.
My older kid does too - they described 'autistic burnout' and said they were on a long slow glide path down
I, of course, panicked, and came out with groceries and sympathy and they looked at me and apologized for worrying me? which
no hon, I would fly to your side for lesser worries than this
so that is present and related and do they talk to each other? no, no they do not. Should they? yes. Definitely.
This is all complicated by their partner losing another job, and them realizing they've been working since they graduated and doesn't one get a sabbatical at 7 years? Or a change or something? Were he working, they could take a break and be the butterfly spouse, but that doesn't seem to be their dynamic at all, and that feels unfair from where I am. They have been the steadily working responsible one for the entire duration of this relationship which is going on 12 years (which is SO WILD to me because they were both babies when they started together) (this paragraph clearly demonstrated the drawbacks to singular they, doesn't it?) but anyhow - I think my kids deserves a chance to faff about, and I am doing my best to make that happen in smaller doses at least.
I thought I also had burnout because I was feeling unhappy about everything especially food, and feeling perpetually faintly nauseous all the time. On the ship I assumed I had just failed to acclimate, which was unexpected, but ok - that is what the seasick meds are for, but it persisted off the ship and all through Iceland and after I got home again, so I managed a Dr appointment and they asked for a blood draw and a breath test for h. Pylori which was a thing I had suspected but didn't want to be forward? but I think I may have borked the test, and I finally sent a message through the patient portal asking if the test had come back and if it was worth starting pre-emptive antibiotics now because this is fucking miserable. I'm increasingly certain this is to blame for more migraines in the last couple months and two really severe ones. If this gets better and I can think about food again, it would be reassuring, because I don't think we can take one more burnout case in this fam right now.
The younger crow, on the other hand, is fuckign amazing - they're on the R/V Neil Armstrong (one of the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institute's big research ships) off the coast of Greenland doing sediment cores and analysis of algae in the water column. She's been writing trip reports that are hilarious and helpful, and seems to be having a fine time.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-29 04:05 pm (UTC)It might not be applicable to mental health but it could be worth a shot. It's significantly less dehumanizing than unemployment--it's almost like they're actually trying to be helpful within the arcane system the legislature set up.
no subject
Date: 2023-07-29 08:40 pm (UTC)Here's hoping your partner can get some relief but it sounds as if he's deep in that martyr moment (which is very common for men whose work situation has gone sour).
no subject
Date: 2023-07-30 10:06 am (UTC)