that was harder than expected

exercise: check, pissing and moaning all the way
horse: check, ditto
fabric thing: check, ditto

I spent the whole trip to the barn muttering "I do not need to feel defensive about riding without a saddle. I do not need to feel defensive about riding without a saddle, I do not..." And then I felt dumb, because Kaboose hadn't been ridden over the weekend, and was kind of tense. Until I spent fifteen minutes walking, and sitting into her back and being warmed up by her fabulous fuzziness and her warmth and her size and I calmed down and she calmed down and we had fun. What else are you going to do in January? The whole point seems to try as hard as possible to keep for getting bored and sick of eachother and the ring and life in general.

We did enough to satisfy honor, and then we went and played in the snow in the outdoor. The snow we got was wonderful! Fluffy and cold and easy to blow with your nose (if you are a horse) and kind of fun to trot through. I got to see how round our circles are, because no one else had used the outdoor. I got to sit into her when she was thinking about spooking at the black plastic over the shavings, and it was fine. It was all fine. A job well dreaded, as my dad says, is a job half done. At the rate I was dreading, I could have done a test for a judge. Why do we I let our my view of others' perception of us me drive me at all? It is not my self esteem or honor or horse or riding that is under inspection. Well, it might be, but I am not caring. I stay on, the horse and I have fun, I leave the horse better than I got her. Those are my base requirements, and I really shouldn't let the voices in my head, real or otherwise, tell me different.