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Jan. 2nd, 2019 04:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dancing_crowHappy early January. May 2019 have more good stuff than bad.
I'm coping with my dad steadily coming unstuck in space and time. It is hard, and ongoing, and has moments and some horrible holes, and it is a thing that is happening, like the background for every other thing that is going on.
I am having a (in retrospect a completely predictable) flail about my own work. I hate it, all of it, and I have no actual idea how to do it better, and I need to get back into my studio (I've been out of it for two weeks? maybe longer? I've lost track) but I can't actual do anything until I get stuff cleared out, and Alice and I are leaving Friday for Maine to see my brother and mother.
My spare mother, someone I loved dearly and who I worked to keep in touch with, died yesterday morning. I talked to her daughter, my oldest friend (she loved me when I was zero, and she was a year and a half old) yesterday about her death. Cil had lived a long and pretty wonderful life. She was in pain, confused, losing her memory, and not coming home. There are times death is better than the alternatives, but it doesn't make it that much easier on those left behind. So I am thinking about how to set about missing her, and how to keep in contact with my virtual sister, and even how to keep in touch with my mother without making myself crazy.
So life proceeds, and I am figuring out what I want to put on Dreamwidth, and where else my effort (and thus my soul, basically) goes.
I'm coping with my dad steadily coming unstuck in space and time. It is hard, and ongoing, and has moments and some horrible holes, and it is a thing that is happening, like the background for every other thing that is going on.
I am having a (in retrospect a completely predictable) flail about my own work. I hate it, all of it, and I have no actual idea how to do it better, and I need to get back into my studio (I've been out of it for two weeks? maybe longer? I've lost track) but I can't actual do anything until I get stuff cleared out, and Alice and I are leaving Friday for Maine to see my brother and mother.
My spare mother, someone I loved dearly and who I worked to keep in touch with, died yesterday morning. I talked to her daughter, my oldest friend (she loved me when I was zero, and she was a year and a half old) yesterday about her death. Cil had lived a long and pretty wonderful life. She was in pain, confused, losing her memory, and not coming home. There are times death is better than the alternatives, but it doesn't make it that much easier on those left behind. So I am thinking about how to set about missing her, and how to keep in contact with my virtual sister, and even how to keep in touch with my mother without making myself crazy.
So life proceeds, and I am figuring out what I want to put on Dreamwidth, and where else my effort (and thus my soul, basically) goes.